Feb 27, 2026 chapter x

dope things happening. I am sous camp cook for a tree planting op out west. I'm going to have mucho dineros and then get unemployment insurance after. I'm drawing in a natural way. I'm inspired but not by fear, I've been shown art by others that has made me want to truly be myself. I have new friends, musicians, witches, cooks, artists, technicians, philosphers. I'm kissing one of them sometimes and its very nice and he is very lovely, beautiful and I admire him. I cook food and bake for a natural arts centre and I'm wrapping up my university application. I would like to keep this going, I want to travel a lot, be close to the earth and groups of inspiring people so I can listen and feel all their thoughts in their heads and learn more about the world and the ground. I am a little sad, this nw life I have found has burned my old one a bit and I am saddened at the thought that I may not be able to keep the beautiful parts of my past and bring them with me into my present, because thats not up to me. However; I am not afraid. Last year if anything was gearing up to walk away from me I would shift into any shape I could take to get it back. Now I am comfortably showing my true, shifting, amorphous skin more and more and I feel strong enough to accept consiquences, and the lives of other people. The life I have will not be lost if someone walks away from me. Right now if I let myself imagine, what I am shown is I. standing at a crossroads in the desert. I dont feel alone, and I don't feel scared because through the shit and piss I've navigated to a great intersection where all the turn offs are pretty scenic. Here's to living a life of twirling and squeeing and death to suffering.

Feb 10, 2026 the fucking shitz i do and the poops i take

not exclusive to dreams but i have some sort of job coming up where i have too be basically chef from total drama island which is all well and good and im looking foreward to actually cheffing down in the stew but the lead up and the level of mind grinding has been awful and causing acute gastrointestinal malfunction. These anxiety farts are crazy like thermonuclear vent from one of the putrid rotting layers of hell and girl im on that mediteranian diet so its actually pure bad fucking vibes coming out of my ass. god and my head is slamming like fucking hell low key was not anticipating having to figure out a. if we are using beans and b. how many beans we bean neading. and like ive never shopped for over 20 people over the course of multiple days so looking at these ridiculous quantities (fucking 8 cartons stock one soup??) got me second guessing myself because idk what the fuck is right and im so anxious im going to come up with a "stupid" number thats right a "stupid" number... i hate being human bc if i was a fucking horse theyd put me down or take me to birthday parties so children could brush my hair while i drooled.

Feb 9, 2026 - 1:38 AM reminizzing

I have had many interesting dreams, seeing as I cannot sleep I might as well recall one

I had one dream where I was living outside in the "neigbourhood" I live in now (a series of developed lots throughout a wooded area connected by dirt roads) in one of the undeveloped lots. All of my furniture was set up as if it were in a room. I went to a yard sale my gay neigbours were having. they were selling stacks of tube televisions and unboxed anime figurines. One of them had collected hundreds of blind box mini figurines and never opened them so I just sat in the dirt opening them all and tossing them over my shoulder. When I returned to my "home" I saw someone come out of the pine woods. It was a childhood friend of mine i'll call "P". P looked imaciated and strung out and I was immediately concerned. They spoke to me like an overenthusiastic junkie. They told me that they had just escaped from their parents who were preforming ritual abuse. They were allegedly preforming an exorcism but claimed failure and instead opted to seal the alleged demon in their jaw and then kicked them out. They showed me their teeth which i've drawn below

P disgusted and scared me but I did not want to offend them while they were in crisis so I ended up being a pushover to their antics. they were sitting in my bed, implying they were going to live here for the forseeable future and making a mess of my things. It took a while, but as soon as I got the thought that maybe P's parents were right and they were possessed I had realized that while talking to them they had taken the form of many different people I had known in my life and were in fact now my friend "R". I got angry and said "I think you need to leave" and the demons face went blank and they defiantly urinated in my bed and I woke up.

Feb 6, 2026 LONG DREAM.

The beginning of the dream was spent wandering around as a student of some modern, higher educational institution. I was often standing in lines of students, annoyed that I couldn't watch a pornographic furry animation just released by an artist I admired. Later I found myself sitting at a wooden desk positioned right outside of a police branded radio station. I was aware that I had been placed on a special task force. My objective was to use this astrological radio scanning equipment to aid in the conviction and arrest of a child kidnapper and murderer. He was allegedly responsible for capturing and killing upwards of 10 children at a time.

I was not told what the correct station would be or what would be said on the frequency, only that I had to write it down on a sheet of white printer paper. I assumed that it was orbiting satelites and celestial bodies which caused the frequency dial to spin. Eventually a frequency with a few 4s and 5s appeared and i captured it or locked into it. There was a female voice saying random words such as the date "january 4th" and i wondered how this would help as i wrote them down. Eventually while writing I had materialized at the site of arrest.

Somehow the public and the media got involved and while we were trying to apprehend the suspect and rescue the children they began to frenzy. Attempting to attack the perp with no regard to the safety of the children, crushing and clawing indiscriminantly like animals. We had no choice but to pile everyone haphazardly into the back of a large van and drive away.

I was tossed into the back with the children and the suspect. The children were all wearing blue jumpsuits and had their hands and feed handcufed like they were being transported to prison. Though the suspect was present and I could sense that he was in the room, I could not see a physical body. I only could know what he was doing. He was sitting in the middle of the van, reaching out to tickle the face of a young indian boy how scrunched nose, shrugged and giggled. He looked like a boy who was in my kindergarten class.

I began to panic, trying to separate the children from the suspect by coaxing them into an adjacent room in the van. Some children quickly hurried in, others were too scared to move and some just didn't want to, la belle indifference. I decided to shut the door seperating the ones who wanted to escape and to not stress the others any longer.

As I turned back to the suspect I could now see a physical form however, he was no longer human and had transformed into a very small black cat. Pedro, my cat was also there and the two began to rub their heads together, cuddle and purr. I was distraught and confused as the initial objective (apprehend, persecute, punish a dangerous criminal) became more and more unclear, and because I knew that Pedro would never interact this way with something that was evil. My heart pounded as I tried to figure out how to proceed in the "correct" moral fashion but it just made no sense.

I turned away to see Pedro watching me from atop a couch and i turned back to see what had happened to the suspect. He was still a cat, but he lay rigid. His mouth was open, his eyes were closed, legs stiff and straight and he was covered by a layer of greenish dust like the aftermath of 9/11. At the sight of the animal suffering I broke out of inaction and shook him, pressing my hand against his chest and brushing the dust away in a panic.

he came too and began to purr and nuzzle into me as I softly stroked his head and began to shake and cry. He was so small, and all he wanted was to be held. He was guilty. What had committed the crimes was no longer present, hell it never even really existed yet he was responsible. I could hear my own voice praying for him and forgiving him because I knew that no one would before they killed him. I whispered and cried to him on the metal foor of the van and I woke up crying and feeling the weight of a great injustice and loss. I cannot recall this dream without crying.